


if they knew how misery loved me

by BiaPendragon



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Academy Era, Lambert is oblivious, M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23225740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiaPendragon/pseuds/BiaPendragon
Summary: "Despite the perfect curve of the letters, the words they formed rang flat and failed to say what he truly wished."Or where the Garreg Mach Anniversary ball is tomorrow and Rodrigue has yet to confess his true feelings to Lambert.For Rodrigue Weekend Day 1: Academy
Relationships: Lambert Egitte Blaiddyd & Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, Lambert Egitte Blaiddyd/Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40
Collections: Rodrigue Week 2020





	if they knew how misery loved me

The scene he watched from outside his window reminded him of Fhirdiad. A thin layer of snow covered the ground and various students had gathered to frolic and play, much like he and Lambert used to back in the royal castle. It was almost as if they were calling to him to join them.

Yet, instead of listening to their beckons, Rodrigue found himself locked in his room, trying to focus on the task at hand. He looked away from the window and glanced back down to his handwriting on the piece of paper. Despite the perfect curve of the letters, the words they formed rang flat and failed to say what he truly wished.

With a sigh, he crumpled the sheet and threw it in a drawer filled with half a dozen of other attempts like it.

Rodrigue got up from his desk and threw himself into his bed where he used his arms to block out his sight. He would not cry over this. Afterall, he had learned long before he arrived at Garreg Mach that Lambert saw him as a friend and a sworn brother. The Prince would trust Rodrigue with his life, just as their ancestors had for generations. However, there was no future for them as anything more than friends. A silly letter where he poured out his heart would not change that. Wishing otherwise was nothing but the fanciful dream of a love-struck teenager.

However, regardless of what that voice inside his head told him, Rodrigue found himself attempting to write such a letter since the previous week. Despite his best efforts, he still found no avail. The words on the paper always failed to grasp what his heart truly desired.

A sudden, impatient knock on his door startled him from his thoughts. It brought a smile to his face. Only one person would knock on his door in that manner. With a quick glimpse around the room, Rodrigue ensured all traces of his previous enterprise were hidden before making his way to the door to greet his loud visitor.

"You took a while!" Lambert wore a mischievous grin on his face as he pushed his way into the room. Without a pause, he walked to the desk at the end of the room, where various papers and books laid neatly arranged on the wooden table. His blue eyes scanned the items before he lifted a book, read the first page, and placed it back on the desk.

Rodrigue simply smiled to himself, knowing very well how ineffective it would be to ask him to stop. He could never deny that bright, dazzling smile of his Prince. No, everything Lambert wished was his. And now he wanted something in Rodrigue’s desk. 

“What are you looking for?” Rodrigue moved next to where the other was standing. Almost close enough that a single movement would make their skins brush together. But Lambert did not seem to mind.

“Well,” Lambert gave a nervous chuckle. “Do you still have that book we had to read for our cavalry class? The one about the War of the Eagle and Lion.” 

“I thought you claimed you did not need the book.” Rodrigue could hardly suppress his laugh as he watched a pout form on the blonde’s lips. His mind vividly recalled that day during the previous moon where Lambert had very brazenly announced he would not need to read the book for the assignment.

“The professor informed me that if I do not cite which pages I used I will not receive credit. Something about skipping too much class and having to be fair to the other students.” Lambert ran a hand through his hair and turned away from his friend as he always did when he failed to listen to Rodrigue’s advice and found himself in trouble.

"I can help. But might I ask what happened to your copy of the book?” Rodrigue spoke slowly, trying to not upset the other.

As if he was avoiding the answer, Lambert grabbed a small leather bound book that was the closest to his hand and started to flip through the pages. “I lent it to someone…” He said without looking up from the tome. “You know, I could never do this stuff.” He added quickly pointing to one of the faith spells in the notebook.

The smile on Rodrigue's face faltered for a moment as he struggled to maintain his usual composed manner. There was no need for Lambert to explain any further. He knew the Prince must have given the book to whichever girl had struck his fancy without a second thought. “You should just ask for it back” He murmured, trying to hide the resentment in his voice.

“Can’t I just use yours? I don’t want to bother her.” Lambert placed the Faith magic book back on the table and looked at him.

Rodrigue sighed and closed his eyes to avoid falling into the other’s spell. He wished he could ask Lambert why it was acceptable to bother him about this and not this girl. Despite already knowing the answer, he wished to hear it from the blonde's lips if only to kill that foolish part of his heart that still dared to hope.

"Please? I'll make it up to you.” The downcast tone in his voice made Rodrigue look back at the prince. He immediately knew it was a mistake. The large, blue eyes locked onto him and robbed him of his defenses. He felt as if he was shieldless in the middle of a battlefield. He could never hope to win against those pleading eyes.

“Alright." He reached past the blonde to the stack of books. He forced himself to ignore the perfect glimmer of joy in Lambert’s eyes and the warm feeling of his arm brushing against Lambert and focused on just locating the book. 

It did not take him long, but the smile Lambert gave him as he handed him the book made Rodrigue's heart freeze with jubilation. He forgot about the dance, the assignment, the reason why Lambert needed to borrow the book. None of those things mattered now. All he could think of was how he wished Lambert would always look at him and smile at him in that manner. He could only smile back at him and hope his face did not give him away.

But then, Lambert's smile left his face and was replaced with a look of concern. "So, where were you earlier? You never came to breakfast." The Prince’s blue eyes studied him attentively as he spoke.

Rodrigue was taken aback by the sudden worry and he paused before answering. His options ran through his head as he sorted out what was the best response. He could not tell his friend the truth; at least not before he had found the proper words to describe everything he felt. “Oh, it was nothing. I just had a headache. I apologize for making you worry.” 

Without warning, Lambert placed a hand on his forehead. The contact made Rodrigue's heart beat wildly within his chest. "You are a bit warm. Maybe food will do you good. Come on let's go see if lunch is ready."

It felt strange, having Lambert worry about him in this manner. He could not help but feel as if he was still asleep and dreaming. After all, he should be the one looking after Lambert, never the other way around. "You shouldn’t worry about me, Lambert. " Rodrigue said with a forced laugh.

"But you are my friend, Rod." Lambert murmured and stroked Rodrigue’s cheek with his hand. The act brought back memories from long ago when they were just boys and Lambert would comfort him as he cried. Just like he did back then, Lambert softly whispered “What is wrong?” 

"Nothing. I just have this headache." Rodrigue tried to deflect his eyes from Lambert's as he spoke. 

Although Lambert often acted as though he was oblivious to the world around him, those close to him knew he could be quite astute when he wished. Rodrigue knew the Prince could tell something was wrong when an unbearable silence filled the room and the warmth of that calloused hand retracted from his face.

Then, Lambert pierced the silence. "Is it about the dance?"

Rodrigue felt his body betray him. His smile fell, and he found himself grasping at words which kept eluding him. How had Lambert read him so easily? He had told Lambert nothing about his current plight. All he could do was take a deep breath and say the only words he could think of, knowing Lambert would not believe them, “Lambert, it is nothing. I just need to rest. I will be fine.”

"If you say so.” Lambert took a seat on the edge of the bed. “But if it isn't about the dance can you tell me if you have decided which girl you wish to take to the Goddess Tower?" His eyes shone bright and curious, like a cat studying his latest toy. 

Rodrigue cursed internally as he sat next to the blonde. He had faltered and now had to find a path out of this pit. He weighed Lambert’s question. Of course Lambert had never considered that he did not want to invite a girl or that the person he wanted to invite was sitting next to him. The words of the unfinished letters hiding in his drawer flooded his mind. Part of him longed to utter what he had written in those drafts. And yet another part feared how Lambert would react with the truth about his feelings. 

“...No.” He whispered softly, hoping the uneasiness in his voice would not show.

"But the ball is tomorrow!" Lambert said as a strong hand slapped Rodrigue’s back. His muscles ached from the impact, but it was nothing like the pain gnawing inside his chest.

"I am aware." Rodrigue sighed into his hands. He wondered if Lambert would leave him alone if he claimed the headache was getting worse. Maybe he would even be allowed to miss the ball.

"Would you like my help? I know several girls who still need a partner.” From the corner of his eye, Rodrigue could see the caring smile on Lambert's face. It just made the pain in his chest worse.

"No, Lambert. I'll be fine." He turned to face Lambert and forced his lips into a smile.

"You know Margaret is still free. And so is Diana. Oh and Vivian maybe." Lambert offered still wearing that gentle smile.

Rodrigue felt something inside of him shatter. He understood Lambert only wished to help. And yet if Rodrigue made a list of the times in his life he wished he could punch his friend, he was certain this would be on the top. "Lambert, can we talk about this later? My headache is getting worse.” He mumbled before the blonde could continue.

“Oh, sorry. I'm just worried about you. You haven’t been yourself recently. And the ball would be the perfect place to try something new." Concern filled Lambert’s eyes as he spoke. A hand rose up to brush a loose lock of hair behind Rodrigue’s ear.

Rodrigue had to remind himself neither the act nor the words meant what he wished they did. "Just worry about your paper Lambert." Rodrigue laughed to mask the sorrow in his heart. It was better this way. "I will be fine."

"I'll let you rest then." The blonde allowed his hand to graze Rodrigue's cheek before standing up, unaware of how the simple touch left Rodrigue craving more.

As Lambert opened the door, he turned around with a bright smile on his face. "Do you want me to bring you anything?"

He hoped his face would not betray the whirlwind of emotions pulling at his core. "That sounds wonderful." 

"What do you want?" 

"You know what I like." 

If Lambert saw any pain lurking behind his smile, he never told him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this one was a wip in so long that I think I have screencaps from November with some of the scenes? I wanted to do a part 2 with the actual dance but that shall be left for a later day since I really wanted to post this for Rodrigue Weekend.
> 
> And yes the title is from "Dance, Dance" by FOB...that was my code name for this fic actually! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/biabarr1)!


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